Take care. Maybe one day you’ll escape your past. If you do, look for me.
In the Wong Kar Wai film 2046, the protagonist Chow Mo-wan examines the hollows of his heart and past by writing a story with science fiction elements about a place called 2046. Based on a room number in the hotel where he resides, 2046 is the place where one goes to recover lost memories. People board the long train to 2046 because it is there that nothing ever changes, but no one knows if that is true because no one has ever come back. While his fictional world blooms under the many entrances and exits of the women in his life, it becomes apparent that 2046 is the elusive past from which he cannot escape.
I’ve often found that while my past has become a blur, a dream I cannot untangle or decipher, it is the pasts of those around me which truly haunt me and entrap me. You may wonder why my past plays back in the corner of my vision like a screenplay, a motion picture in which I am not really involved?
I think when one experiences a number of radical changes and losses in a short period of time these experiences tend to become something detached or separate from them. I’ve changed so much since entering my adolescence because of outward losses that at times I feel like I have amnesia, like my life story has always been told to me but never truly lived by me. Perhaps this is because of the unhealthy lifestyle I live; the continual insomnia that forces me to be in the present.
In love and relationships I find that I am always preoccupied with the past of who I am involved with. Currently I am trapped in a cycle of trying to untangle the stories and characters that make up the past of the person I love. I wonder if this is because I fear that I am a substitute for something he has lost? And in love one can find no such substitute.
How fickle humans are in their ability to devote themselves to one person, only to despise them the next day! I may be here right now, but what of tomorrow? What about those past heroines in his story that fell so short?
How does one trust when love resembles a pattern, a rhyme, the same scene with a different lens? I think I have found my match, but what am I?
In the story 2046, the protagonist falls in love with an android. She resembles the love he is looking for in the realm of 2046, and perhaps she has the answer he needs so desperately to hear. The only issue is that, being an android, she has a delayed reaction. The wires that make up her system fall short as the train ride is long, her smile is slow to come and her words only sound days after the question.
And so I find myself with a similar reaction to my own life; delayed, only to comprehend the events that have transpired years later.
~ by volatilestructure on February 27, 2009.
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Tags: 2046, android, androids, art, art blogging, artist, beautiful, cinematography, delayed reaction, dreams, exes, fear, films, history, hong kong, loss, love, memories, metaphore, myself, past, questions, relationships, science fiction, secrets, self, sensual, sexuality, wires, wong kar wai