You’ll never live like common people…

(taken by Gabino Mabalay-–it ended up reminding me of my swan series…for more pictures of me go here-

Rimbaud talked about disordering the senses and experiencing all that you could to truly see. I wonder if that is what I’ve been doing, or if my nomadic existence is merely inherited. I’m like a strange mixture of languages and novels. It makes me constantly sad to meet people my age as so many don’t read or watch cinema that is not spoon fed to them by mainstream culture. I find that many of my “peers” are constantly repeating generic manifestos that they picked up unconsciously from a television station or some magazine. 

I can’t help but feel the order of consumerism in their words, their lack of evolution.

Frankly it scares me.

The internet has helped somewhat, you can discover many oddities even while surfing social networking sites like myspace, but in truth it’s strange to see how people prefer boxes.

I even find myself confused by the fact that I don’t fit into anything.

But humans are not meant to be sorted and put in boxes, at least not until they’ve stopped breathing.

Are we really that dead?

In America I get asked if I’m European, in Europe I get asked why I live in America….

Frankly, the only answer I have is that it was just the cards I was dealt.

But it doesn’t stop there, my mother never really had us watch television and to be honest I’ve managed to stay away from the contraptions as if they held some kind of plague pretty successfully. Things have become far too much like 1984 for me to tolerate.

I spent my childhood riding horses, playing violin, seeing the world, I was very blessed.

Perhaps I would rather have had such a privileged and intellectual upbringing even if it set me apart from my peers because now that I am not privileged I still work very hard to follow my dreams because I was raised to dream. So many young people I meet today seem to have such a myopic vision, I see it slowly changing at times, but many seem to fall into a pattern. I am terrified of becoming infected with the art of giving up. I have worked so hard in school and with art to travel since I was seventeen, I am only twenty-one but I still feel that I haven’t done enough. People are always reminding me of where I’ve been or the things I’ve accomplished, but none of it has really settled in. I only see the goals ahead like a line of carrots, past feats are soon forgotten. Perhaps it is I who has forgotten to dream in my pursuit of making dreams reality?

In public school I never fit in. I was always that strange girl drawing in the corner. My view on sexuality is very european because of what I was raised with, and yet my inability to sleep seems to be something of an America quality where we live to work but never work to live.

Fuck humans don’t even try to touch one another anymore! Voices are only heard if through static, and texting has taken the place of real conversations. I love technology for the information it can transfer but its dangerous when put in the hands of those who lack imagination or drive.

I think I prefer the company of freaks, or at least wolves in sheep’s clothing. 

But sheep I could never tolerate for they are far more dangerous than wolves.


~ by volatilestructure on March 30, 2009.

9 Responses to “You’ll never live like common people…”

  1. Fuck humans don’t even try to touch one another anymore! Voices are only heard if through static, and texting has taken the place of real conversations. I love technology for the information it can transfer but its dangerous when put in the hands of those who lack imagination or drive.

    So true…

    Technology has made (some, many) people very lazy and has given them an excuse to be unimaginative.

    Let’s be travel buddies one day, just for a little while.

  2. Most people spend most of their lives stoned, because that’s the easiest way to cope with the suffering. We wake up sometimes when something really bad happens, and we can’t pretend anymore. And when things are really good, sometimes we can wake up because we don’t need the anaesthesia too badly. But to stay awake all the time, to avoid being stoned, that’s really difficult.

    Good for you if you can pull it off, but don’t get too comfortable with your eclecticism–it can turn into another form of anaesthesia. If we spend all day putting our attention on meaningful things, but it doesn’t change us, were those things really meaningful, or just better decorated?

    • I never said that the things I was interested had not changed me, quite the opposite.
      I’ve lived all over the world simply because it challenges me to change.
      My attention is on meaningful things because I cannot sleep, I cannot succumb to anaethesia because I’ve realized that life is too short to waste it.
      With five deaths in one year, how could I not?
      Life is painful, but why be a coward?

  3. yeah im so happy i met you even if not yet met. its so fucking refreshing to meet someone who appreciates art in its entirety. i think technology is replacing a lot of things for both better and worse i could say..yes its nice to meet people via online but what about when it becomes someones life? i dont know many interesting people these days. its really sad. i want a time machine

  4. this is beautiful. i definitely echo the sentiments you’ve written here. in particular i think the fact that people don’t touch anymore is so sad.

  5. Humans are not meant to fit into boxes. But our brains are build that way. It’s a survival mechanism to run or stay at danger – not tho think about greys.

    The modern world is kind of strange to the archaic brain… and we suffer, from those who don’t free their mind.

  6. Can’t wait to hang/shoot with you!!! ❤

  7. I know I’m late on this but my personal view is that texting is something you can have indefinitely while conversations fade, I have a bad memory so I can always look at a hilarious text and everything floods back. The digital novelas are what I call my texts.

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