You idiot kid, you don’t have a clue….
(my dala horses-http://www.flickr.com/sheclimbeddownthetree)
The clock has turned and I’m a year older. I look down at my hands, the veins that connect the dots and I am twenty-two with my dreams on paper.
I wish I could say it was easy, but life never is. I am so close to the finish line and then what? What does graduation entail? I look back at the last three years of travel and struggle, dissecting creatures with a scalpel or simply splitting heads with my tongue. I wish I could say it was easy, but it is not.
Despite the emotional scarification I like some of who I’ve become. Sometimes I want to turn back that clock, run into some memory and stay for awhile but reality is where my heart beats and I can’t get out of the present.
What about the future?
Death seems to haunt at every corner, and I’m tired of losing. What do I say to my audience? You wonder why I grow smaller with sad eyes, why I’m silent? I’m watching the person that made me wake up with blood in her mouth and you ask me how I am?
Times are troublesome and I wish that I could say that I’m turning a new age without being in a rough spot, but we all know the truth.
Perhaps the truth is something one can understand better than another façade.
I am falling apart and trying to put the pieces together again. I write my dreams on walls in hopes that I will keep moving forward. I have to, there is no turning back.
I have many who love me but this is a fight I have to learn to win on my own.
I know, deep in my heart, that nothing is truly unbearable.
I am strong.
On a side note, the editor of deerwomen (http://www.deerwomen.com) informed me that my birthday is also Buddha’s birthday in Japan.
On a lighter note here I am with a ferret at the age of 18, which was a very different time in my life.