My heart never sleeps

I must really be insane.

Title: Psyche (like in the myth)

Medium: Oils/painting

Completed May 2010

This thought occurred to me the other night when I was looking at all of my paintings, the piles of sketchbooks and the experimentations with oils on silk organza.
My entire life documented in these strange images that I try to make a living off of. Sometimes I don’t even really see them for what they are-pieces of my heart, a small taste of my dreams.

They are more than just material fragments of paper and canvas.
They are examples of my survival.

For as long as I can remember I have had an intense need to express the darkest parts of my heart. Before the word art even entered my vocabulary you could find me drawing all over the walls with my crayons as a child. Mountain and rivers.
Some stories still remain in the hallway of the house I grew up in.

Today when I travel, when verbal exchanges are not enough, my images say what I cannot.
My emotions tend to overflow from my fingertips to an extent that can be harmful to the ones I love if not managed or contained.
Drawing was one of the few things that gave me solace.
It still is.

It was more than that though, it was a way for me to show people how I saw them, or what they brought out in me. To show them their own beauty, to make them smile. Whether it be a portrait or a drawing of deer, the look in the eyes of a patron or loved one when they receive a piece or take a look at my collection is priceless. In fact if it brings tears to my eyes to see that connection, that moment of understanding. It’s amazing what one image can lead to, what stories and memories it can open up in the mind of another.
A drawing I did of a deer when I was heartbroken in the winter, something delicate that made me feel at peace, can remind another of their mother or the summer of their seventh year.
Our minds are electric in how memories pop up and pull at our heart strings, songs can be like time machines….and if so, I feel that paintings can be windows for our dreams.

So when someone asks me my story, who I am….what inspires me, this is my answer-
My love for being alive.
This love of detail and light is why I am an artist.

This connection I feel with others regardless of language.

My belief that everyone has the power to create and that we are given the ability to dream for a reason.

That and the fact that drawing and painting saved me when I’d lost nearly everything.
It was that piece of me from my childhood that I never let go of.
My dreams.


~ by volatilestructure on May 10, 2010.

9 Responses to “My heart never sleeps”

  1. You’re such an inspiration, Mika. this was really uplifting to read. I’m happy to have you as a friend. Look forward to more of your writing and art! n_n

    • Dreams are not insane. Dreams create hope, and hope is what sparks the need to live and create a better world. To better one’s self along with it. And this in turn sparks the human need, the human compulsion to explore, to grow, and be better than we are. However we cannot hide the gifts we have. When we do we lose the hope that our dreams give us. So no mater what other people may think or say continue using your gifts to their fullest potential and beyond! Be ALL you can be!

      • i was basically saying dreams create hope and that is why i make art if you continue reading….
        but thank you, we all should pursue our gifts that is definitely a fact.

      • I read the whole thing. I was agreeing with you and saying not to let anything that anyone says bother you in any way.

      • thank you, i wanted to apologize if i came off as condescending…it means a lot for you to say that, especially on days when i need to remember.

  2. This moved me to tears, inspired me, and reminded me of my ex.

    there are people who live and die through their art. they know no other way. It is both a gift and a curse.

  3. Wonderful picture. We are all insane in a way…

  4. Just want to say what a great blog you got here!
    I’ve been around for quite a lot of time, but finally decided to show my appreciation of your work!

    Thumbs up, and keep it going!


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